Jokes Vol. 1
Joke #1 Student Druggie
A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs
“It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed. I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”
“Go on then.” he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.”
“What for?” I asked.
He said, “The drugs.”
I said, “What drugs?”
Joke #2 Biden
Four doctors are talking. “The British doctor says, medicine is so advanced in Britain that we cut off a man’s liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job.”
The German doctor replies: “That’s nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job.”
The Russian doctor replies: “Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job.”
The American doctor laughs: “You are all behind us. A few years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver, and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!”
Joke #3 Mental Illness
A pair of cows were talking in the field..
One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Joke #4 Monkey in a cage at the bar
Guy comes in, sits down and asks the bartender, “What’s the monkey for?” bartender quickly says “Don’t worry about it”
This goes on for about 2 hours, after many drinks and heckling. Finally, the Bartender agrees to show the man what the monkey is for. The bartender reaches down, removes the latch on the monkey’s cage & the monkey jumps out. The bartender grabs a baseball bat and whacks the monkey over the head with it. The dazed monkey pulls the bartender’s pants down and gives him oral sex.
The drinking man at the bar remarks, “Wow!, in surprise. The bartender nods and smirks to acknowledge the excitement of the man.
The bartender asks, “You wanna try it?”.
The man says, “Yea! But don’t hit me so hard”
Joke #5 Must Needed Job
A guy sits down for an interview with a job he must have. He’s at the end of the interview with everything going smoothly
“Okay sir, just one last question”. The manager asks him, “what do you believe to be your worst quality, sir?”
The man ponders, “my worst quality, hmm”. He answers, “well… I guess… I’d have to say my honesty”
The manager pulls back half relieved, “honesty? Well then, I don’t think we here in the workplace are going to have any problems with that!”
The man says, “I really don’t give a fuck what you think”.
Joke #6 Dumbest Kid in Town
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
#StayOnTheBall
